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Please don't judge me

4/29/2015

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So, as anyone who has a large circle of family, friends, coworkers, gym buddies and neighbors, they were a large number of people that were really happy to hear the wonderful news of an upcoming baby. All these wonderful people had either a wonderful anecdote or old wives tale or even a study that they wanted to share with me to help with raising this upcoming bundle of joy.

Now that my bundle has arrived, alive and well, the stories everyone had to tell have become cautionary tales of the older generation warning the new that, they know nothing. It's as if I were a teenager getting a speech from a grandparent about how youth has been wasted on the young. I just want to rebel with something like, "listen grandma, remember when you were told that and how much you hated it".

When did all advice start sounding like judgment. Maybe I'm being as emotional as a teenager, but as a parent with an older child, you should remember that feeling when your little one was just out the oven.

Unless my child is in any true harm, please keep your judgement to behind my back.

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I now do aerobics

4/23/2015

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I am very grateful that my son is sleeping as well as he is. It took me about a week to get a good cadence going. With all the naps I take, I'm am only tired some of the time.

With this new life situation of mine setting in, I decided to use my time to get some exercise. Full disclosure, I am not one of those fit crossfit Moms that worked out all through pregnancy and gave birth while doing a one handed handstand and recovered as it was a usual day for my iron clad body. I just thought a little light workout would make me feel good.

So, I went to the Y and found a typical mommy and me class. I actually took a time machine to the 80s and do aerobics with the stroller. I have to say, with all the advances in fitness I thought there would be some new trendy fitness option for such a hip and young person like me, but no. Just back to basics.

After my first class, where I was sweaty and breathless, I understand that some things just don't need to change.

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I almost broke the baby today

4/18/2015

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My usual morning consists of being awakened by the baby in his bassinet. Feeding him while sleeping on my bed. Then waking up a second time to play and have relaxing alone time with my boy to watch him grow. This all happens while still in the bed, where my husband can gently wake up and join us. On most mornings, the dog is also at the bottom of the bed waiting for a sign to get closer to us. I say thank goodness for the king bed.

Today was slightly different. Most of the morning was the same. After I begged the dog to get off my numbing legs, I thought it was a good time to try something I read. My son doesn't enjoy "tummy time". He usually gets fed up after a couple of seconds, so I decided to try a trick I read about online. Place him at the edge of the bed on his belly while you sit next to him on the floor and encourage him to continue.

Sounds easy enough, so I was up for it. It actually worked great! We had a grand ol' time. Then, I had a sudden urge to go to the washroom. He was still enjoying himself, but I felt the safe thing to do was to place him on his back and a couple of inches away from the edge. I rushed to the washroom, by the time I got back, my son was head first in a basket looking up at me in a very disapproving manner.

With all the morning exercise, he had managed to push himself off the bed and into the basket compartment under his bassinet. I am lucky that caught his fall, even if my bed is just a mattress and box spring on the floor.

Today, I realized two things. One, my son is no longer a helpless newborn and he is growing into a strong little infant. Two, the life of this other human is utterly depending on me and of course my husband as well.

I decided to share this moment because I felt like the worst parent and that he would never recover. Until I had a chat with some of my parent friends and family members, only to realize that this was my initiation into parenthood.

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Disposable or Reusable

4/17/2015

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OK, it's settled, I'm getting on the reusable diapers train. Let me explain. Yesterday, on one of my many mundane trips outside to reduce my hard winter cabin fever, I entered an Eco friendly store around my neighborhood. Since it was about two hours from his bed time and not so bad outside, I decided to stroll on in. 

My husband and I discussed reusable diapers, due to their many benefits: less waste, less chemicals, less expensive in the long term and that is what my Mom used on my sensitive butt cheeks. Also, what other reason but the fact that my burrough offers a nice little credit and the federal government child contributions are enough to pay for an entire start up kit as well as the Eco soap to clean them.

I have to admit that I am a bit concerned about the grossness level that I have now exposed myself to.

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Eating out

4/17/2015

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I could not wait for the weather to get on track so, I ventured out in the -xx weather. Yes, I did it and took a precious newborn outside before his vaccines and into the cold world. No worries, he was well bundled up and over dressed. I don’t think he even noticed. Boy does it ever look good to travel around baby style.

Well, after I got him together and timed his feeding, sleeping and crying with dressing him, myself and not overheating in the house we waited for the warmest time of the day to take a walk.

Finally some fresh air and some natural sunlight. I am sadly having the time of my life. I feel so great, Looking at every tree and footprint in the snow like I am back in primary school on a nature walk.

I was having such a great time, that I lost track of time. it’s feeding time. Oh shit, I am in the middle of a park and it’s pretty cold out. His face is giving me the “you better get it together cuz in about 2 minutes I will scream my lungs out if you don’t feed me” face. I decided, he deserves to be fed, so here I go on a bench topped with snow. I not only expose myself but now my bum is frozen over  since I had to sit in the snow for the twenty minutes it took for him to feel full.

For anyone who happened to have spotted me on my nature walk, I know it looked insane, but i just had to do it.

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I have to go to bed

4/15/2015

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I have not needed sleep as much as I do now, EVER. It feels like I'm on a never ending no sleep girls weekend. There are a few differences though, no alcohol, no parties, no hotels. Just me and this tiny alien that just won't sleep. 

My husband has been great, he's getting up with me, letting me know how great of a mother I am and how I still look gorgeous. Then let's me know there is nothing he can really do when he gets hungry and eases back to sleep. It seems wrong to say, but all I want is him to be quiet as well as his son so I can sleep. 

We all got home and, I have to specify that I had an involuntary natural birth. Even if you hear all the horror stories and most people will try to persuade you that its not that bad, I have to say it's horrible and painful and I hated it. It took too long, hurt too much and was a very traumatic experience. I think you "forget the pain" as a form of PTSD. All I can say is, females are seriously undervalued. That shit was CRAZY.

I know it is recommended to sleep when he sleeps but I have come to the conclusion that I am a grown adult and sleeping at 3 hour intervals is just not what I'm built for.

He is still very young and I got no sleep at the hospital, hopefully this gets easier, cuz at this point there is no rest for the restless.

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Allow me to introduce myself, my name is...

4/14/2015

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OK, so I just had the weirdest two months, no make that the weirdest 11 months. This past year has redefined who I am in the eyes of others. When at a networking cocktail, I usually introduce myself as a digital project manager with a marketing background. When meeting new friends, I would say that I am a food lover that enjoys traveling and great concerts. My friends would refer to me as a work hard, party hard type.

But now, most just put me in the married mom category. I have to say, this is one step away from devoted nun in terms of what others expect from me. Its as if a memo was sent out to the rest of the world that I should now never curse, raise my voice, drink, have sex, sleep passed 10, order take out, eat junk food and of course have fun while living my easy going cosmopolitan life.

In one year, I got a new job, married my boyfriend of 13 years and had a beautiful baby boy. To some, this sounds like the best year ever and to others the worst. I personally have mixed feelings about it, so after the baby, I decided to write this into a blog. Warning, I am not a writer but I figured why not put this down so the whole world can see in a permanent way.


I welcome you to follow my posts and see where this takes me.


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    Mother...

    The definition of motherhood is a very private one. Either with you and your mom or how you would think is the "right" way to go about it. I have recently joined this admired/revered group and I would like to use this outlet to tell my story and get some insight on some others that have been shared.

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